Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Just Some Scribble Scrabble

Where to begin?

There has been a ton of stuff running through my mind today. I guess I have a lot to figure out about myself still that is extremely surprising. I often find myself feeling bad for my honesty and how blunt I can be. I know there's a difference between being honest in a loving christian manner, and being honest out of your own opinion and how you feel. I try to keep things based on how I see it, but I've come to realize that it can be offensive at times. I guess that person knew what they were talking about when they claimed that the truth hurt, but how honest should one be in regards to another person? Honestly, I think I'm gonna have to challenge myself to try this approach, don't say anything you know would hurt someone, but instead uplift them in an honest manner. I know sometimes people can do unspeakable, ugly things, but so can I. I'm not any more innocent than they are. What they decide to do is their business and not my own. My job is to show God's love to them, and hope that they will decide to follow the right path eventually. I apologize to anyone that my words have seemed harsh to. I only say my honest opinion to the people I care about the most, and I do it because at the time, I feel it would be wrong to leave you in the dark in regards to what others see as despicable, or even, immoral acts.

I sit there and I think about my relationship and what I expect from it. I have to be honest and say that I don't give Nathan much of a heads up either. I'm learning everyday how easy it is to totally get the wrong signals from each other. Things that weren't meant in harmful ways are actually put on that level and it creates a lot of bad vibes. To Nathan, I'm sorry that I acted the way I did earlier today. You were trying to be a good friend and I had no right to be upset. I find it so funny how stupid things can get so quickly and before I know it, I'm tumbling down a steep lumpy hill waiting to hit the bottom, yet you never fail to be there to catch me before I do. Instead you apologize for letting me tumble even as far as I have, and everything is back in place. You're a great person, even when I enlarge things sevenfold because I let things get to me so easily. Please forgive my girlish ways and understand that I was just expressing myself in the way I usually do: With out thinking.

The fact is, I'm blessed in my relationship. He's a guy who strives to be like Christ, even though he's far from perfect. Today a woman in my English 1301 class walked in pretty much an emotional wreck. She was trying not to cry and she had bruises and scratches along her face and chest. I see examples of broken relationships such as that, and I praise God for the people he has surrounded me with. They always try to encourage me, and push me in the right direction. It really does make the difference in ones life when they have friends who care about them and speak in a positive manner towards them. They never fail to help you get through everything. Which brings me to my next realization and thought for the day...

How lame the legal system is. I got a speeding ticket for going 7 over in a school zone. I already felt bad enough getting the ticket, yet they made me pay $137 for the court fees, now I have to pay some more money for defensive driving. I understand there are laws for a certain reason, and I have no problem paying the money, it's just how stupid the systems are when it comes to when and how you do things. I guess they make it so awful so that you won't ever want to go through that garbage again. Haha, I guess that actually does make sense. I find it funny how every one that works at the municipal courts here in Temple all have very unappealing facial expressions. Like they hate their jobs and really have no desire to help us at all. Instead they just take our money and tell us to get lost. Definitely do not get an "A" in customer service.

So anytime you feel down in the dumps or discouraged, remember, you're so not alone. We all face different problems everyday. No one has a perfect life. You have yours, so live with it and make the best of it. When life gives you lemons, make lemon squares, because a lot of people like lemon squares.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Lets Just Talk It Out

Miscommunication. 16 letters that cause a lot of problems for many couples today. Unfortunately, an understanding of the opposite gender will never ever happen, but trying to goes a long way when it comes to being in a relationship. There have been times, in my personal experiences, where I've offended Nathan without trying and he has done likewise with me. It's often hard to know what to say to help the other, because the truth is, we couldn't possibly know what is right for that person because we handle things differently. For instance, feelings. Yes, guys have feelings, but they definitely show them way less than girls do (well most guys for that matter).

Honestly, I think our problem is that we don't take the time to express how we feel. No one is a mind reader. We have to give insight to get what we're looking for or even a hint of what we want in our relationships. Even I struggle with this. When you truly care about someone, not necessarily romantically, but in any relationship, you should have the desire to be completely open with them. It's so important to show that you can trust them and letting them know they can trust you. being open is hard, and it makes you vulnerable, but it creates a different kind of understanding that the person you're in the relationship can grasp. People only know what you tell them.

Take this into consideration next time you're having boy or girl troubles :) It might make a difference!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

So it's been a while

Okay so I know I've been awful with keeping up with this thing. Truth is, a lot of stuff happened all at once and I kinda got caught up in this little thing we call life.

There has been a recent chain of events that have caused mayhem, yet have been truly great for my life. I recently moved jobs to another place and am enjoying it a lot more than my past job. I've also bonded closer with some family and other friends who I hadn't really talked to much. God has never failed to kick me in the behind and show me what was up. I was torn to shreds and completely broken. I had realized that I had been serving Ashlie, not the mighty, amazing God that I was created to serve.

I find it funny how things really work and come together. I see all the different changes and bad things that have gone on and how they've shaped me into a person that I've craved to be for a very long time. It's so easy to get swallowed into sadness and everything else around you, regardless of all the blessings we're given that are obviously there. But being stuck in foolishness and that awful pity party, we fail to even acknowledge them. Yeah, we're human, but people, excuses need to stop. Jesus could've come up with a million and one excuses not to save us, but he took what we gave him and still praised God for it. It's pitiful how everything is becoming, and how much I even personally let some things get to me. I constantly see people make threats to kill themselves (which is serious business), and I can't help but want to tell them to stop and be quiet. There are times when I feel super down and I feel like nothing can be fixed, yet I continue to fight the good fight as I am called to do. I have a purpose here on earth. Not to feel sorry for myself, but to preach the Word of God to people who are ignorant and starving for it. Every one has stuff going on. Let's face it, trials either make or break us, but where we place them in regards of importance to our lives is up to us, and definitely shows how much of yourself you are willing to kill for Christ. This place isn't our home, and instead of freaking out about the end of the world, or the president, or even that thing that you cant get over from like a zillion years ago, praise God for life and a chance to bring glory to him! Pray for forgiveness daily, and pray that you could even be a fraction of worthy for what he did on that Cross for you. The time we're given here is precious and we already waste almost all of it on junk that doesn't matter. Salvation was given at a great price, now put a little more effort in serving the amazing God who gave it all for us.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Dear Beloved Reader

I'm so sorry! I have tried to Blog for the last week and a half, and my computer refused to save it! There has been a lot going on since the last time I wrote.

I'll start with last week:

I took a trip to West Columbia, TX to visit a very near and dear friend of mine. There I saw rain, had non stop movie marathons (finally watched Avatar!), cooked an extremely delicious frozen meal, and just spent time with extremely amazing people! It was amazing. I felt like part of the family to an extent. Needless to say, I miss Nathan and his family greatly and I have no idea when I will see them next... Hopefully October-Fingers crossed!

I've recently gotten back into the groove of baking! I hadn't done it in such a LONG time, that I didn't realize how much I've missed it. It's something I'm decent at and I feel great when I see people enjoying my creations! The night Nathan and I cooked dinner for his family, we made a chocolate cake with a homemade fudge icing... it was SO good. Very rich, but extremely light to my surprise. Of course I could only manage a half of a "Nathan" size piece, but nonetheless, still very delighted with the outcome. Recently, I baked some cookies from scratch... Those were also extremely good! I can;t wait to bake the next thing.

It's great how God gives us simple things such as time with friends and hobbies to help us escape the chaos of life just for a little while. I can't help but smile, even through my sad moments, knowing that I have a God who pulls me through and brings joy in the morning. I'm very thankful for my family and friends whom he has given me to get through this life with. I know very many sweet, loving, and talented people. I can't wait to grow closer in my friendships, and become the next baker on the Food Network! Again, thanks to my four followers! You're appreciated! Again I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've posted!


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dear Ivy Fannin (A True Proverbs 31 Woman)

Congrats on two years since you graduated from mercy Ministries! I am EXTREMELY proud of you! I love how you cleverly killed Tracy's battery just so I could see you guys tonight! It has been a blessing to see you grow, and to be inspired to grow myself by your sweet and caring actions! I will never forget every second spent together... All our lovely dates at the O.G, and all the fat jokes made towards me by our waiter because I ate every single thing on my plate plus some. I'll never ever forget Howie the Bread Stick and how we laughed like huge goof balls and the same waiter judged us for making him (btw I think he was hitting on you, butttt I digress). I won't forget chilling with you when you taught us young scared girls about purity. I'll never forget the courage you had when you stood before the congregation and shared your testimony right after you got out of Mercy Ministries.

But most of all I wont forget your friendship. The perfect influence you, Trina, and Laura have been to me could never ever be expressed in words. I look forward to many more awesome memories with you! I love you so much.... because you, m'lady, are the BOMB DIGGITY :)

"A Woman of Noble character who can find she is worth far more than Rubies"

--Proverbs 31:10

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Putting Myself in Check!

Today I deleted my old Facebook and created a new one! These past few days I've felt trapped and I had the desire to make a change that would let me know that I still had some control in my life. Sure all the cussing and filthy talk that was blowing up my news feed was getting old and annoying to read, but hitting that deactivate button gave me such a feeling of power and control it was AMAZING. Constant chaos is never good for the soul, so I decided to break it for just a mere minute to control something petty :) 

It's just so crazy how things have been going lately. Even though it can get pretty bad, I find comfort in my Heavenly Fathers words. Jesus knows how we feel. he went through a bunch worse than I have. I guess it's sad that we've become such a self involved people who fail to realize that we haven't even touched what Christ did for us. We also forget to remember that this place isn't supposed to be paradise. We face trials because we refuse to completely rely on Christ. Falling into His arms are the last thing we ever think to do. If everyone followed his plan and did not sin or stray, things wouldn't ever get bad. Of course I can be comforted by the words of one of my all time favorite verses:

" And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Romans 8:28

God definitely has a plan and I just need to keep reminding myself that. Dear readers, keep me in your prayers! It would be highly appreciated!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

You can't get away with murder

Do you ever find yourself in those moments when you realize that a lot of different things in your life are falling apart? I'm in that moment right now. Sure there is a ton of good and wonderful things I have been greatly blessed with, but my annoying self-pitying side only sees the bad. I seriously wonder how things become so bad so quickly before you even have the chance to change anything or gain control of the situation. You just feel utterly helpless. You don't really know who to turn to, or what to do. Everyone says prayer and giving it to God is the number one solution to feeling better, and I agree 100%, but there is also my physical need to find condolence within my friends and family.

As a girl, it's so easy to get the wrong reputation pretty quickly. One mistake and everyone sees you as a woman of ill-repute or even as someone no one desires to be friends with. Sure, that probably isn't the case, and I'm thinking the worst possible things here, but it's hard not to. I remember hearing many different bible studies preached over purity and how girls hold on to many sins they've carried for a very long time. But, how is it easy to let go when the people you had listened to and heard preach this are the ones who are being judgmental? When they tell your secret that wasn't theirs to tell in the first place? Do they not realize that in doing this they have lost my trust, my respect, and have created an opening for drama to start? Yes, I am completely at fault for what I did, and yes I wasn't necessarily respectful to them when doing it, but what happened to people make mistakes? Forgive as the Lord forgave you. I get that I'm not perfect, and I can be judgmental as well, but I am a FIRM believer in practice what you preach. Jesus loved everyone, not just the people who were willing to bow down to Him right off the bat. He loved EVERYONE... He paid the price for EVERYONE. I also get that they are human too so they will show this in their actions as well, but being completely rude about it all and telling people aren't going to make it better.

It's hard to express my frustrations in a very sweet manner because I am deeply and completely hurt by what happened. I wish people weren't so insensitive. I wish instead of pointing out others mistakes, that they would stop and consider their own. I'm not saying that things should go unpunished and that people should be allowed to get away with anything, but I think after you've already set a punishment, bringing it up in a publicly humiliating way is just flat out wrong.

I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh, but this is what is on my mind tonight. It's all forgiven now, and after tonight I'm gonna try my best to leave it in the past. Just please refrain from doing it to others, because they probably will handle it a little differently than I have.

A look into my mind

... Complete emptiness

Friday, July 15, 2011

Will Work For...?

What is my purpose? I seriously thought this as I gazed across a room full of busy people who were rushing to get back to work and just needed to grab a quick bite. Working at Schlotzsky's has created an opportunity to become the "best of the best" at people watching. I sit there and think about where these people may come from, how immaculate they must be at raising their children or living their lives per-say, or even the kind of people they will be in the future. But then I realize this; clearly people must sit there and wonder the exact same thing while looking at me. How is it that I'm presenting myself every moment I'm around them? As a Christian, I have been called to be set apart from the world and not a slave to sin (Romans 6:6)... but have my actions truly shown this? Wanna know a secret?

I've done something I'm ashamed of.

A friend of mine is dealing with an issue at the moment, and as a protective sister type figure, I got involved before I could even think (okay Nathan, I admit it...) it through correctly. What I did was very very wrong. I came across as judgmental and hateful though I had no reason to. I hardly know the person(s) involved other than what my friend has told me. I did it to protect him, but in reality, I probably made things worse, especially with how I went about it. Not only did I conform to the world, but because I did it out of frustration, I wasn't very Christ-like either. Yes, this was done in private (though now accessible through this confession), but two people saw that ugly little side of me, and that's definitely too many. Especially for someone who is flawed and not perfect at all, I had no business doing what I did.

I apologize to the parties involved. I'm stepping out and I hope you accept this. To the one I don't know well, I'd love to get to know you if you'd give me the chance, and to the friend, I hope it all works out. praying for y'all.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thoughts Just for you

As I sit here and try to think of exactly how I feel, the only thing that comes to mind is Bliss. You're patient and understanding. You always know exactly what to say to make it better or right. The first time I met you,  felt the strongest desire to know you. I wanted to be your friend the moment I saw you. Nothing more than a mere friendship. I've been blessed more than I had ever thought possible. You're perfect in many ways, no matter how much you deny it. I don't mean perfect in the way where you do no wrong, I mean perfect as in everything I want and need. Perfect for me. I like spending time with you and every second is priceless... I'd trade all my time without you for just a second longer with you if I could. I'm glad to call you my best friend. I love talking to you and telling you all my secrets, opening up and letting you see my scars. It's refreshing and relieving and nice to know I'm not alone in this world. This post isn't to woo you, or to make you go "Aw" with a huge cheesy grin, but to let you know I'm glad. Nathan, you're my best friend and I'm so glad. I couldn't imagine a single day without you :)


Boys are in fact silly.

A certain situation has presented itself in my life within the last few days. A guy friend of mine has been struggling lately with a pretty intense issue. Its one of those things you hear about when you just sit there and every fiber of your being is terrified for that person.You actually have no idea how to help or even what to do. It's just this: boys are silly and even though they come to you for advice, they never ever listen to girls. Through other times this has happened, I've come to realize that 98% most girls are right regardless on what guys think or not (and that isn't necessarily logic and analytical thinking, but we DO know a lot about life and drama). There was also a recent incident with Nathan where I had said something and I guess it didn't click, but several days later a guy friend of his said the exact same thing and he got it all of a sudden. I've learned not to take it personally, but why do guys even bother us for advice when they aren't gonna listen? It just stresses us out even more. No matter what I say, he isn't going to have a great awakening and follow what I say. Instead, he's going to do what a guy says even if it is the exact same thing I had just said like thirty seconds ago. BUT I will say this. As someone who cares about his well being, I will continue to say what I feel needs to be said and I will pray that God will use it to open his eyes to what I'm seeing, even if I am being completely ignored.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Over Think Much?

Have you ever just sat there and thought about every possible thing that's going on in your mind, yet you can't seem to grasp a single thought? I sure have. It seems to be something that's been going on for a few days now. I try to consider certain events that could cause this handicap within my brain to occur. I do what pretty much any normal person would do in a situation like this... I make a list :) Here are a few of the "distractions" I've compiled:

1. My super cute boyfriend
2. My job that's pretty monotonous on a daily basis (not complaining Troy if you read this. This is hard cold facts)
3. Just the big blur of time we call summer pretty much smooshed together
4. Maybe my lack of a social life
5. My strange obsession with sour gummy worms and other unhealthy foods that have entered my digestive tract more than usual.
... or even the ever so last number 6:
My mind is just simply blank and I only think about things in the moment.

Whatever it is I want it to go away (unless its Nathan or my job... I'd like to keep those) because I'm stinking tired of this cascade of nothingness within the pit of my head that prevents me from the slumber I truly desire.

The Day It All Begins

So I did it world! I decided to join all the hub bub of society and create a blog! Sure I can't promise it'll always be exciting and full of interesting details and facts, nor can I promise day to day entries, but I will say this... To all the three people that may glance at this, I will try my best to create something that will keep you updated with my world and what's going on in that incredibly crazy mind of mine! Who knows? Maybe one day my dreams of becoming discovered someway somehow will begin today!